Chapter 20

Chapter 21: Vivec

Day 284

Julan and I were pleasantly surprised on our return.  When we arrived back to the Ahemmusa camp, the tribe was ready.  Sinnammu reported that there had been little tension between the tribe and retainers.
            “It would seem that your plan has worked well, sera,” Sinnammu flashed a wicked smile, “but I think you knew it would.”
            “It had to—there was really no other choice,” I said.
            “Has there been anymore incursions or visits from the Zaniab?”  Julan asked.
            Sinnammu shrugged. “None that I have seen, Julan, but you should really ask the n’wah—I mean… ah Outlanders about that.  I have been busy preparing the tribe.  War is the art of men.”  She seemed to forget their elected war chief had a cunt.  I didn’t bother correcting her, but excused myself quickly to find Huleeya.  I saw him gathering wood with the other tribesmen and two of the male retainers.
            Huleeya requested to stay, better to the command the troops. “Best to make sure everyone follows the program.” Two of the women battle mages and an Orc went with the remainder of the tribe.
             After saying our goodbyes to all, we walked along coast. “So what’s left?” Julan asked.  “Do we just go and pound on Dagoth’s door?”
            “I think we head back to what’s-her-name- with the Urshailaku.”
            “You mean Nibani?”

All's quiet on the home front

            “Yeah.   Gods, it seems like forever since we’ve darkened her door.
            “I wonder if she likes you any better since then, sera.” Julan winked, though I didn’t think it funny.  That woman hated me.
            Changing the subject, “Then we have to see the Archcannon.”
            “So you thought of terms?”
            “Yeah, first of all they’ll stop all this outlaw business.”
              “They should decease speaking of on the spying bit too, Anni.  Oh and don’t forget about the dissident priests.”
            “Yeah.  Also, they can’t push any more tribes off their lands.  In turn, I’ll beat the boogie man.”
            “Wonder if they don’t agree?”
            “They will.  Jules, they called for me.  Not the other way around.”                                                                      
Day 289

I greeted Nibani Maesa who was sitting with Ashkhan Sul-Matuul together in his yurt.  I had hoped I hadn’t interrupted something as it seemed they were focusing intently on something—tea leaves, I believe.   It was convenient that they were both in his yurt together, as I had no desire to be punted back and forth between them, as was often the case before. Sul-Matuul spoke first.  “It’s been some time since I’ve seen you sera, though word travels of your deeds.” He then turned to Julan, “Ashkhan Kaushibael, it is comforting to know the Ahemmusa now has a leader.  It is my hope you will lead the tribe to greatness again, in the spirit of your father.”
            “When Dagoth beaten, I look forward to our tribes forging a new path together in peace, Sul-Matuul.”
            Turning to me Nibani spoke, “So Annika Blue, Nerevarine of all the camps and Hortator of the Great Houses.   You have but one thing left to do,” she said nodding toward Sul-Matuul.
            “What is that, Nibani?” I asked curiously, knowing that I did all she asked for.  
            “You have yet to be named Nerevarine of the, Urshailaku sera.  Had you forgotten about us?” Sul asked playfully.

"Annika you must believe she wants the best for our peoples."

            “No, sera.” I said.  Dolt.  How could I be so stupid?
            Sul-Matuul stood.  “We have been waiting anxiously for your return.  You wish to be called Nerevarine. I know you, and am disposed to do so.  But first we must speak of need and duty.  I want you to hear from me and understand why a war leader is needed.”
            “Yes, sera,” I said intently.
            “You have fought bravely against the Sixth House and know the evil that is plaguing the land and our people.  You must tell others of this evil so they are not tempted into corruption and lies of Dagoth Ur.  He offers our people a vision of life without the Outlander…. sera, both you and I know that time has passed.  The only thing that Dagoth can offer our tribes is more sickness and death.  Let people here your message.  It is one thing to be named Nerevarine, it is quite another to live up to that word.  Our people need a leader; that is you, Annika Blue.” Sul-Matuul said gravely.  I nodded and he went on.  “Your next task will not come so easy.  I see that you are a natural leader, though you do not believe in the prophesies.” I began to speak but he raised his hand.  “Stop sera, do not deny it.  I see it in your eyes.  If you cannot believe in the words of the ancients, then at least understand them.  You will have to convince the Temple and its worshipers that the Tribunal of False Gods cannot protect the people.  Vivec knows this.  Go to him with an open mind.  It is your duty to all peoples of Vvardenfell.”
            “I will do as you ask,” though I wondered how.
            “Now, before my hearth and kin, and before the People of the Wastes, I name you Urshailaku Nerevarine, War Leader of the Urshailaku, and the Protector of the People.  Here, take this,” Sul-Matuul then handed me a bone necklace.  “It is the Teeth of the Urshailaku, and shall say to all Dunmer that you are the Nerevarine and that the Urshailaku shall follow you, in all things, even in death, until the Enemy Dagoth Ur is defeated.”
            Nibani must have sensed my unease. “Outlander, you must meet with the Archcanon.  Go to him and demand to speak with the false god Vivec.  He has the tools to stop Dagoth.”
            “Julan and I also plan on speaking with him regarding the treatment of the dissident priests and native peoples.’
            Nibani’s face clouded over with rage.  “Do not cloud the issue with secular matters!  Nothing is more important than Dagoth Ur’s defeat.”
            This was not a time to argue.  Sul-Matuul had offered the greatest gift his tribe could bestow.  I would placate Nibani and do what I planned anyway.  I looked to Wise Woman with down cast eyes and spoke, “Of course, sera.  I will get Kagrenac’s tools and return to you.” Nibani left the yurt quickly; then Sul-Matuul spoke kindly to me.
            “Annika, you must believe she wants the best for our peoples.  Her thinking is …very focused.”
            “Sera, with all due respect, once I am able to defeat Dagoth, you’re people will still be crippled.  It is best to bargain with the Duke and Tribunal now.”  I turned to Julan.
            “Now that we have something they want,” Julan continued.  “Sul, you and I both know that striking a deal with n’wah is the only way our people stand a chance.”
            “Do what you can, but make sure you get those tools.  Annika and Julan, may the gods and our ancestors protect you.  Go, and bring us peace.”   
                                                                    
Day 286

“The Aheummsa are safe.” I said, shaking a rock out of my shoe as we walked south along Bani-dad Foyada.
            “For now, at least,” Julan said cautiously.
            “Well in any case,” I said steadily, “I am not in a mad rush to get to Vivec. I want a meeting set up with the Archcannon and Dren.”
            “Then we shall have to find a courier.  And one with some skill.  Dren is the Duke of Vvardenfell, will not to be ordered or summoned by your beck and call.”
            “I know,” I said with a little irritation.  “We’ll think of something on the way there,” I paused.  “Julan, I don’t want to meet with them separately or they’ll punt us off on each other.”
            “Anne,” he said turning to me.
            “What’s on your mind?”
            “I think Nibani wants you dead,” he said simply.
            “What?  Well, Jules that would kind of defeat the purpose, would it not?” I asked laughing.
            “Anni this is serious, you can’t go before Vivec.  He murdered Nerevar before, I have no doubt he’ll kill you too! He’s on a mission to destroy the Nerevarine.  You’re a threat to his entire existence!  
            “Julan, we have no choice!  This is the only way to defeat Dagoth Ur.  This is the only way to protect your people.  And this is the only way I will ever be unburdened by prophecy.  I must go.”
            “What’s going to stop him from doing it again?”
             I shrugged. “He needs me, Julan.”

Mar Gaan

            “For a time,” he said shortly.  “But the Tribunal are Mad Gods—“
            “I thought that title belonged to Shenogorath.” I giggled. “Really, Jules—“
            “Annika I’m serious!  He’ll…he’ll…”
            “Eat me on toast?” I asked with a rueful smile.  “Do you not think I’ve thought of this?  Give me some credit.  I might not know your people’s entire history, but I know enough…to give me pause.” I stopped for a moment, Julan walked ahead mournfully.  I ran up beside him and locked arms.  
            He stopped and turned around, then looked at me, holding my face. “Can you not take me seriously?”
            “Let’s talk this over a good meal.  I think I see the lights of a town ahead of us.”
            “Anni, this is not the place for a romantic dinner.”
            “What?” I asked curiously.
            “Of course it would be Mar Gaan that reached first,” he said concerned.  “Anni, we’ll have to be more careful.  This is a Redoran stronghold, and according to these people you are an outlaw and traitor.”
            “And Nerevarine and Hortator,” I smiled slyly.  “Both a sinner and a saint.”                                                                        
Day 290


We weren’t killed in Maar Gan, most likely because we didn’t stick around.  We moved on quickly to Ald-ruhn and contacted Hassour, who agreed to personally serve as our courier to Duke Dren. We took our time traveling to Vivec stopping in Balmora and Pelagiad, but disappointingly found out the Ence was not there…he was on a buying trip to Dagon  Fel.  Not much to do but go and face Saryoni.
            We walked to through the temple, but were advised by one of Saryoni’s acolytes to use one of the Archcanon’s side doors.  Seems our presence would not sit well with the Ordinators.  I walked into a large office, lined with books and furnished in damask.  “So at last we meet, Annika Blue,” spoke the man before me dressed in lavish robes.
            “Been a long time in coming, Saryoni.  It has not been an easy journey.”
            “And I know the cause of that weighs heavily on my shoulders, Annika.  But nevertheless, thank you for coming.  You know the Temple’s doctrine on the Nerevarine.  Perhaps its time to change that doctrine.”
            “Saryoni, the time has come to change many things. Will the Duke be joining us?” I asked.  Just then I heard a soft foot fall from behind a crimson curtain; I looked up in the direction of a secret door.  Entering the room was Duke Dren himself. I nodded respectfully to him as did Julan.
            “Yes, Annika Blue, I did receive your dispatch, but what words to I have to the woman who murdered my brother and half his retainers?”

"It's been a long time in coming, Saryoni."

            Julan spoke quickly,   “The word would be thank you, sera.” Dren swiveled quickly in Julan’s direction.
            “Who are you and what do you have to do with any of this?” Dren asked shortly.
            “My name is Julan Kaushibael, Ashkhan of the Ahemmusa.  And we have come, Annika and I to strike a deal.  Dren it gives me no pleasure in handing you this note written by your brother.” Julan paused for a moment while all in the room watched the Duke read the letter.  “The letter was an attempt on your life, so sera the word you are looking for is thank you.”
            A heavy gasp then sign escaped Dren’s lips and I could tell he was holding back in expressing any hint of sorrow…or even joy.  After several unending moments, Dren spoke, “I am saddened by the nature of this note, but do not doubt its veracity; though I am not sure what it has to do with you, Ashkhan or you Annika Blue, Nerevarine.”
            “Then let me explain,” I said coolly.  “I know you need me to beat Dagoth Ur and I am ready and willing to do so.  But…it will come at price.”
            “State your terms, Outlander.” Dren said smugly.
            I nodded.  “First, the Empire will no longer push any Ashlander tribes off their land.. Second,” I said turning to the Archcanon, “you will cease and desist in slandering me—calling me a spy, traitor or heretic.  Lastly, you will relax your rules against heresy, particularly those that pose a danger to the dissident priest.  There will be no more persecutions in the Tribunal’s name!  Before I go off to defeat your monster, I want a treaty drawn up agreeing to those terms.”
            “And if we don’t agree to this?” the Archmagister asked with amusement and a wry smile.
            “Then you and all of yours in the Great Houses can choke on the blight and ash storms plaguing this land and you, Dren, can rule a mad and deformed people. It matters not to me.” I said levelly.
            The smile on Sayroni’s face dropped. “If we agree?” Sayroni asked cautiously.  
            “Then I will live up to my bargain or die trying..  I will rid the island of all Sixth House bases with their blight and send their leader back to Oblivion.”
            “How can we be sure you’ll do this?” Dren asked skeptically.  “Every day I the cultist—Dreamers, they’re called, wandering aimlessly around my cities, mumbling gibberish and prophecies of doom.  What have you done about any of this?”
            Julan answered. “Both Annika and I together have cleared out at least a dozen Sixth House bases.  We empty bases as we encounter them.”
            “And profit greatly from them, I’m sure.” Sayroni added bitterly.
            “Yes.” I said flatly. “We do.  However, if your Ordinators or soldiers are willing to risk corprus and death, by all means send them in.”  Neither one said anything. I continued, “Gentlemen, I know Julan and I have presented you with much to discuss.  We will take our leave of you now and return in three days time.  I expect your answer—and the treaty drawn up—by then.  Good day.” Julan nodded as we walked out of the Archcannon’s office.
            I could smell their fear as strong as any incense.
                                                                      

Same Day, Evening

“I think that went well, Anni.” Julan beamed confidently with his mouth half stuffed with crab meat.  Manners were something he’d learn over time, I guess.
            “We shall see.  I haven’t given them enough time to come up with a plan of coercion—or at least that my hope.  It will be interesting to see how this all plays out.”
            “They don’t know where the tribe is,” added Julan.   

"Let's go to bed.'

            “No, but I’m not going to get over confident.  Jules they do know where to find us.”
            “Well, should we head out for a few days, Anne?  Maybe look for more Sixth House base?”
            “Yes, that’s probably best, though I plan on sleeping in my own bed tonight.  I’ve almost forgotten what a soft mattress feels like.” I looked up smiling at Julan.  “I plan on finishing my book.”
            “What is it?”
            “It’s called Axe Man.    About a boy who becomes an assassin for the Morag Tong.”  The story struck many chords for me, as the protagonist, Minas Torik’s life was much as mine, at least in my latter years at the abbey.   The book followed the transformation of an abused boy who in turn becomes a hired killer—it could have easily been me.
            “Hmmph.  You’re not thinking of taking up the role of assassin next, are you?” Julan asked with a hint of concern in his voice.  “I don’t doubt your ability to do so—but Anni, that’s not a road I could follow you down.”
            I stared down at my plate, for a moment.  “Jules, I’ve spilt enough blood in the last months to last a life time.  I’m tired of destruction—the death.  And I know that one day, I will answer for all my crimes—for all the blood on my hands.”  I paused then looked up at the man who was to be my husband.  “Jules, I want to create a life—not destroy one.”  
            Julan then put his glass down and looked directly at me.  “Come.  Let’s go to bed Anni.”  I smiled and extended my hand.                                                                   

Day 293


“Annika Blue, we have been awaiting you.” Saryoni said impatiently.  I did not approach the Archcanon until mid afternoon on the third day—I did not want to the give them the impression I was over eager and desperate for them to accept the treaty.   “The temple must protect the people from false doctrines. And your association with Imperial intelligence makes your motivations and integrity suspect.  But you have been chosen Hortator and Nerevarine by the Dunmer people and frankly we have reached a crisis point with Dagoth Ur.  We can no longer defend the people against an awakened Sixth House.  You and your prophecies may represent our last hope.”
            “So you are agreeing to the treaty.”
            “Yes.  You leave us little choice,” he conceded.  “The temple will relax its stance on dissident priests.  And the slander will stop.”
            “What of my people, Dren?” Julan asked turning to the Duke.
            “We will agree to make no more incursions at this time.”
            “The agreement Dren, was for all time!” I answered angrily.  “I do not remember any loopholes.  I was clear that the land claimed by the Ashlanders as it stands now.  Either all parts of the Treaty are agreed to or there shall be nothing from me at all!”
            “You would just walk away?  Frankly Annika, I find that hard to believe.”
            “Believe it, Dren. I’m sure your people have looked into my history and know what I’m capable of.  Keep that in mind.”
            “You ask too much.  Annika,” he glared, “I can stop the incursions for a time, but I have no control of King Helseth or the bloody Empire.  You know this—I am but a Duke.”
            I was surprised at this admitted weakness, but perhaps he was stalling for time.  No, he has to agree.  “The treaty as I have written it must be signed.  Dren, help me avoid another war between your people and the Empire.  There can be no other way.”
            “You leave us little choice but to sign it.  But know this Annika, King Helseth has but to blink an eye then your treaty will turn to dust.  It will be as worthless as the guar skin it’s written on.”
            “We will cross that bridge when we come to it, Dren.” I turned to Archcanon, “What comes next?”
            “I would ask you to speak directly to Lord Vivec himself; he is expecting you.” I nodded, turning towards the door.  “And Anni,” he said with a wry smile, “His Lordship is remarkably patient, but perhaps it would be better not to keep him waiting...”
            “Ai.  As soon as the ink dries on that parchment, I will meet with him.”  I turned to Julan, who looked severely uncomfortable.  “Excuse us, gentlemen.”  We stepped outside the Archcanon’s office.   
            “Anni, am I dressed well enough to meet a god?” Julan smiled.  My shoulders drooped slightly as I knew I could not take him with me.
            “No, love. Not this time,” I said softly kissing his lips.  “I have to face him alone.”  Julan closed his eyes in a deep sigh, kissed my forehead and squeezed my hand before I went out door.    I made the lonely trip up the long flight of stairs.  Reaching the top I turned around viewed the city, I mused, much like the god.  Slowly, my heart pounding, I turned the key and the heavy door opened. A cold draft blew out from the gilded room, smelling of incense and timsa-come-lately.  Standing before me, in the center of the alter stood a large…man?  Gold—he was golden.  At least seven feet tall.  Vivec was beautiful though in an odd, offsetting way. His face appeared feminine, almost.  Too lovely for either man or mer.  Upon approaching the alter I bowed respectfully to him.
            “Annika Blue, daughter of Emperor Uriel Septim and Anais Marguerite.  We have business, you and I.”
            “Proceed, Lord,” I squeaked.
            He took a bemused stance, “When I was young like you, I too was very impatient. So I will keep our business short.  Then, later, there may be time for other things.  First, I propose to remove my curse upon the Nerevarine, end the persecution of the Dissident Priest and proclaim to all Morrowind that Annika Blue is the Incarnate and Nerevarine, the prophesied savior of Morrowind, and the last hope to withstand the menace of Dagoth Ur and the Sixth House.  That is how it is written, in your treaty, is it not?”
            “Precisely,” I stammered.
            “Next I will surrender to you the power and responsibility of defeating Dagoth Ur.  You may choose to refuse; I will not compel you.  You will receive this power in the form of Wraithguard as a gift.  Do you accept this?”
            “Yes, Lord Vivec.”
            “Good.  Quite sensible of you.  And now, will you give your oath, before all gods and men, before all spirits visible and invisible, before my honor and your honor, to dedicate yourself and Wraithguard to defeat Dagoth Ur and preserve Morrowind and its people?”

"Your destiny was already decided."

            “I swear it.”
            “Good, though not sensible…though was hoping for someone who would have no hesitations.” He took a deep breath.  “Now, Annika, you will have a brief, momentary sensation of time passing.  Do not be alarmed.  You are being taken out of time in order to avoid the unpleasant experience of learning how to use Wraithguard.”  I then felt the room spin, much as it had on the ship cabin, that first day in Vvardenfell.  For a moment I was floating, with color flashing all around me.  A light passed and voices whispered came from all corners of the room.  I was weightless and without direction.  A certain euphoria washed over my body in the briefest passing of time…then a jolt.  I opened my eyes and the room stood as it had before, Vivec then spoke.
            “There, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” He asked mockingly.  “Though there is more to this then gifts and euphoria, Annika Blue. You must recover the other two artifacts in order to destroy Dagoth Ur.  Keening, the blade, is kept in the gated Citadel of Ordrosal.  Sunder, the hammer you must use to destroy the Heart of Lorkhan, Dagoth’s power source, is located in the Citadel Vemynal.  These are both on the Red Mountain inside Ghostgate.  If you survive gathering Keening and Sunder from the Sixth House bases, you will need use the artifacts exactly as I have instructed to sever Dagoth’s connection to the Heart, thus destroying him and ending the blight on Morrowind.  I have left you detailed plans in the parcel I handed you along with Wraithguard, commit them to memory.  Remember, you must not handle Sunder or Keening without Wraithguard, or that will be the end of you.” I nodded.  “Now, our business is concluded, unless there anything else you have a burning desire to know.”
            “Anything?”
            “Yes,” he answered magnanimously.  “See the benevolence of Lord Vivec?”  His mocking laugh was bitter. Fine, I would hold nothing back.
            “Why do you need me?  You have the power of the gods, which you murdered to get.  Tell me Vivec, why is Dagoth Ur winning?”
            He stared at me, perhaps calculating his next move or his answer.  He could have vanquished me on the spot for my impudence; instead he took a breath and answered truthfully.  “Dagoth Ur is winning because he is close to the source of power, Lorkhan’s Heart.  And because he retains the passion of madness, while we have settled into the lonely and unrewarding posture of dogged dutifulness and perseverance,” he paused for a moment, turning to face me.  “And, finally, perhaps because he is stronger and smarter than we ever were, and his followers more fervent and fanatical.  I believe, Annika, that we were careless…and complacent, and out-witted.  Also, the Tribunal lost much time—and respect in denying the Nerevarine.  In a word, we were foolish.” He paused again, the coy smirk on his face disappeared.  His tone colder as he continued,  “And as far as committing murder, well perhaps you should read my side of the events on Red Mountain before you judge me so harshly.  I was not Nerevar’s murderer.  I had no desire to kill Nerevar then and I have no desire to kill you now—or else I would have done so.”
            I nodded at the truth in those words.  Had he wanted me dead, I doubt I’d still be standing.  “I will read your account of the battle and Nerevar’s fall, and you are correct; it is not my place to judge you.” I stopped for a moment think of what to ask next.  I had frozen, there were questions I wanted to ask desperately, but no…not yet.  “Tell me Vivec, I’ve been called by Azura to be this Uniter of the People, in your heart, is there such a hope?”
            “I will tell you what I believe and without reservation.    Annika, I love the people of Morrowind.  I became a god to make their lives more comfortable and secure.  I am most close to my faithful followers, as I am literally in their hearts and minds. Of course, I feel the most sympathy with House Redoran, for they revere me like no other. They are the Dunmer driven by creeds and deeds, as am I.  House Indoril on the mainland is closer to the compassion and sympathy of Almalexia, a comfortable and secure serenity. House Telvanni matches the disposition of my brother Sotha Sil—iconoclastic, profane and unconventional.”  He took a deep sigh and continued, “House Hlaalu represents the future of the Dunmer, integrated into the sophisticated mainstream of the tradition-less, race-less, godless culture of the Empire—your culture Annika Blue.”  
            I ignored the jab at me.  “What of the Ashlanders, Vivec?  You failed to mention the tribes.  What of them, certainly they count in the pantheon of peoples and houses in this great land,” I said, wryly smiling.  The most dutiful people are always forgotten.
            “Ah, yes, a cause close to your heart Annika Blue, for the love of the Ashkhan Han-Julan.  Well, as a god of all the people in Morrowind, I love the people of the wastes even as they denigrate and slander my name.” I could feel his ‘love’ for them like a stab to my chest.  They weren’t his people or worshipers—his distaste for them palatable.  “Annika, as you know, the Ashlanders are the keepers of time.  I would say that I love them most for their preservation of the ancient barbarian tribal traditions of the Dunmer who first settled Morrowind.  But you know as well as I do that their time is done.  All of the great houses save Hlaalu and perhaps Indoril will fall.  The Telvanni will dissipate or destroy themselves.  House Redoran is on the course of destruction.”
            “One brought on by themselves, my lord.  Could you’ve have taught them some sort of compassion or even civility towards other races?  Their insular and isolationist ways are their downfall.  They are a House of great men, with weak and bitter children.  Can you not see this?”
            “I can see many things, Annika Blue.  Your anger for one, the listlessness of my own people, my failings as a god.  But tell me Annika, what do you know of being god?”
            “I know nothing.  I can’t say I’ve ever been anything more than a girl.”
            “Well, let me tell you what it’s like and what kind of life you can expect should be tempted by the Heart of Lorken. Annika, it’s like nothing else.  To be a god is to be a juggler.  Things are always moving, and you learn to know where they are without even thinking of it. Only there are many, many things moving.  And sometimes, like any juggler, you drop something.  I’m afraid I done more than my share of that recently.  Perhaps there was just too much to do…and not enough time.  Perhaps I am growing old.”
            “Does a god grow old?” I laughed.  It was a laughable thought.
            “Oh yes, yes…and tired…” His voice trialed off for a moment.  He then looked directly at me.  “It’s like being at once awake and asleep.  Awake I am here with you, thinking and talking.  Asleep, I am very, very busy, still aware of everything—.”
            “Even when you wish not to be.” I said interrupting him.
            “I am aware of all.  It is a never-ending watch. Annika, I know this is hard to understand, but I and the rest of the Tribunal exist at once…inside and outside of time.”
            “But always awake,” I added.  “Personally, it sounds like hell—at least to me.  You can never die, or walk away.”
            “No, Annika, I can die, but then I can choose to wake from death and it all comes back to me, the balls moving around and the appearance that no time has passed at all.  That is the god place; where everything is always happening at once.”
            “Do you remember what it was like to be mortal?”
            “I remember, though I do not feel it.  I can, if I choose, remember the feeling.  But I don’t—for reasons that are mine alone.” He paused, looking wistfully away for a moment, and perhaps he was, beyond his choice, remembering what it was like to feel.  He turned back to me.  “Annika, it is very, very sad being mortal.  There is happiness yes, but mostly sadness.  For gods, there is blessedly, no feeling; only knowing.  I do sense, in a mortal way, the desire to win over Dagoth Ur.”
            “And I am your tool to that end,” I said with a bitter laugh.
            “It was not me who fated you to this…cause.  You are the Moon-and-Star chosen by Azura.  Blame her, if you truly feel the need to blame.”
            “No not really.  I have grown much…but I interrupted you.  Please go on.”
            “Well, all I was going to say was that I did not want to lose.”
            “And I have no wish to die.”
            “Well put….So tell me, Annika the Brave, what else do you want to know?  I quite enjoy bantering….to one who does not pander to me. Go ahead, for I know there is much on your mind.”
            “I find that odd for someone who wished me dead.  But then there are many…” my voice trailed as I thought of  Severa and the Empress. “Why did you try to kill me?”
            “Is it not obvious? You are not a stupid girl,” he sighed.  “Annika, if I must spell it out I will. Why did I try to kill you?  Simply because you threatened the faith of my followers, and I needed their faith to hold back the darkness.  And I thought you were my enemy—a pawn of Azura’s or worse—a pawn for your father, or simply, a fraud.  You could not be a hero, if my faithful could destroy you.”
            “And they haven’t, though not for lack of trying.” I spat.
            “Well, the circumstances have altered.  I need you and you need me.”
            I rolled my shoulders back. “I don’t need you, at all Vivec.  I could walk away right now.”
            “You could walk away and let Dagoth Ur devour us, and rightly we would deserve it, but I know that you could not walk away from the Ahemmusa.  Annika your failing is that man outside that door, nervously conferring with Sayroni and Dren. The moment you let him into your heart we won the day.  Now you will do my bidding and that of Azura.”
            “We have been pawns and tools from the start,” I said bitterly.  "But in this bargain I get something too.  You will tell me things I have wanted to know for so long.  You will tell….”
            He cut me off sharply. “I know what you want…what you have wanted all along, all your life.  Yes Annika, I can answer some, though not all of your questions—I can answer them without your even asking as they are so very predictable,” he taunted.  “Does your father know of your existence?  Yes.  Was he aware of your imprisonment?  No, not directly.  Was he aware of your meager existence in Chorrol or the squalor you faced in Anvil?  Hardly, that was the work and failings of his lessers.  Annika, you were born the illegitimate daughter of serving girl and you were the wrong sex to be any matter of consequence, though you were a comfort to him…knowing you lived despite his despised wife’s best efforts.  That is why you were saved from the gallows.  Did Azura know?  Of course, you were her choice.  Your destiny was decided while your mother squirmed beneath Septim...”
            “Enough!  I have heard enough.  You’re a god, Vivec, but you’re also a bastard.” I said breathing heavily.
            “There is an old Ashlands saying Annika, ‘Do not look under rocks and craters unless you’re willing to see the ugly creatures that lie beneath’.  You wanted truth, and I’ve given it to you.”
            There’s one other question,” I said barely breathing.  “Does the Empress know I live?  Is it she who sent the Dark Brotherhood after me?”
            “I will not answer that, as the truth will be revealed soon enough and in its own way.  But I will say this; the Emperor and Empress are aware of who you are and what you are doing in Vvardenfell.  They are very aware.  So are others.  There is no more ducking for cover.  Triumph over Dagoth Ur and you will triumph over your enemies.”
            I nodded slightly, knowing my worst fear was in front of me.  “Why do you think Azura chose me…I mean I don’t believe in most of the Apocrypha, or the prophecies or frankly her.  Wouldn’t Julan had been a better Nerevarine?  Azura could have changed her mind…she’s a fucking god, after all.”
            “No or she would have chosen him.  And she didn’t.  You were chose, in my opinion, because the manner of your birth would insure that you would be utterly oblivious.  You have such fantastically small grasp of our culture or history that you are in a sense, a blank slate.  You came to Vvardenfell a prisoner with only the desire to be free.  That is the best circumstance I can imagine.  Azura must have known you would been only marginally interested in our history or the petty battles between the Great Houses and tribes.  You cherished something that was much greater—freedom.  Your love, Julan Kaushibael has been a great teacher and translator for you as that is the role he was fated to play.  Of course that is only a guess, a speculation.” He paused for a minute, then smiled through lips that mocked me.  “Tell, Nerevarine, have you ever spoken to Azura before, as you speak to me?”
            “No, sire, I have not.  When she speaks…when I’ve heard her…it’s more of a broadcast rather than conversation.”
            “Exactly Annika.  Now, have you conversed with any of Daedra you’ve slayed, or guar or scrib?”
            “No—”
            “Of course not.  They would never understand you as they are a lower level of existence, just as you are a lower level to us gods.  You will never know exactly how or why you were chosen, but it is your path and you can either navigate it or you can drown.”  He stared at me for some time then sighed, sounding extinguished.  “Now, Annika, I grow weary from all this talk.  Fulfill your destiny and slay Dagoth Ur.  It is the only way you find any peace.”  I bowed to the dying god in front of me, and walked out of his lonely shrine.
            I was tired and left Vivec the God feeling very heavy.  I had to find Julan.  I had left him with Sayroni and Dren, god only knows what’s happened to him or what trouble… “Bah!”  Walking out of the temple, lost in thought, I tripped over a dark figure on the stairs.  I was fortunate a hand reached out and grabbed me for it was a long fall and many stairs from a god.
            “Anni?”  The cloaked figure, Julan of course, looked up at me sleepily.
            “How long have I been gone?”
            “Hours.  Anne, it’s well past midnight.  I left Dren and Sayroni nearly two hours ago.  So…How ever long it’s been.  How’d it go?”
            “Let’s go home,” I said drearily.  I was tired—no beyond tired—physically and emotionally exhausted.   “I just want to sleep.”
            “Come on, love,” Julan said, taking my hand.  “Let’s just get you home.”                                         

Next Day

The steam caressed my face and the company was good, so for a tantalizing moment I allowed myself to relax totally and submerge in a hot bath.
            “So it went well,” Julan said, washing my back.  We had been in the tub for a good while.  I felt my skin wrinkling in the hot water.
            “I don’t know if I’d say that.  Vivec did explain himself—somewhat.”

Let's just get you home.

            “That was…unexpected.” He laughed, eyes sparkling.  “Didn’t eat you on toast, I see.”
            “Mmmm, not exactly,” I spoke of everything that had transpired between Vivec and I in our long conversation. Several times the water had to be re-warmed.  I told Julan Vivec’s version of events on the Red Mountain, in which he responded, “likely story”, told him how the Tribunal had failed the people of Morrowind and failed in their attempts to contain Dagoth Ur.
            “Well, no surprise there.”
            “Vivec knows the Tribunal has failed.  In truth I think he regrets breaking his oath to Azura and becoming a god.”
            “As he should,” Julan said, scrubbing my foot vigorously. “But…did you ask?” Julan turned away from me.  I knew what he meant, what he wanted to know, just as Vivec had known my mind.
            “He said he did not know why Azura picked me other than I was completely ignorant of the ways of Vvardenfell, not likely to be drawn in to any great house or tribal war—but Jules, it was all speculation.  As you can imagine, Azura and Vivec are not on the best of terms.  So he did not really say.” I spared him of Vivec’s harsh words.
            Julan nodded, though I’m not sure he believed me entirely.  “Did he speak of your family?”
            “A bit.  And coarsely,” I whispered.  “In short my father knows of my existence and that I am in Vvardenfell acting as the Nerevarine.  He does not love me, but is proud that I have evaded assassination for so long—if that’s something to be proud of.”
            “What a family of wolves, Anni.” He looked up sympathetically.  “I see where you got your charming nature from,” he grinned wickedly.  “So you are in the open now.  And the Empress is aware of you?”
            “Oh yes, very aware I’d say.”
            “Is she responsible for the assignation attempt?”
            “I don’t know.  Vivec said I would find out in good time.”
            “Pompous ass.  He could have just told you.”
            “Could have…but didn’t.”  I murmured. “Anyway.”   
            “You know, Anni, I just don’t understand.  He’s accepting you as the Nerevarine, but only because the Tribunal are too weak to defeat Dagoth Ur themselves?  So he thinks that you can do what three living gods can’t?  That’s—.”
            “Just terrifying, stupid and…utterly ridiculous…But Jules, it seems they’re too weak to do it.  Who knows what powers they have left—if any at all, really.  But I just can’t believe that…” my voice trailed off.  Holding my knees to my chest, I felt dread of the coming days.  How could I slay an immortal?  
            “Anni,” Julan said, lifting my chin, “don’t give up hope.  Look, if anyone can do it, you can.  And I’ll be with you, even if only as a distraction.  Or…” Julan said laughing.
            “Or what?” I said looking up at him, praying he could make me laugh.
            “Or maybe we could trick him into inviting us in…How long do ya thing it’d take to build a giant wooden guar?  I once read this book, see….”
    I laughed and splashed him.  “Ok, it’s a plan.  What could go wrong?”  I had to laugh at the ridiculousness of whole matter, really. “I love you, Julan.”
            “I know.  Now let’s get out.  We’re wrinkled as prunes and I can see what your breast will be like in twenty years.”
            “Give me the towel, lecher,” I growled. After drying we moved to the bed.  With the midday sun bleeding through the curtains, I rested my head in the crook of my lover’s arm.
            “Anni,” he whispered, “it will all be okay.  Everything,” he kissed my forehead.
            “It has to be.” I murmured.