Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Betrayal

Azura Shirne

Day 61

“So where do you want to go?” I asked stretching in the early hours of a dreary morning.  “We have weeks, you know.”

Julan rubbed his chin pondering then took a swing of tea.  “You know Anni, I’ve never been to Azura’s Shrine.  I figure as she plays such an important part of my life I should at least go and see it.  Maybe it will spark some sort of vision.”

“Ok.  It beats waiting around here for something to happen.  Let’s try to find a reliable map.”  We stopped Dorisa Dravel’s book store and found an old map of the Azura Coast region and the (possible) location of the Shrine.  Azura was the Daedra Prince that all the people of Vvardenfell worshipped.  She even had a following on the mainland.  Azura was the god of the Western Sky and was said to protect the people of Morrowind. The travel to Azura’s Coast Region was long and taxing, and either the map was wrong or I couldn’t read it. We spent the week going from port to port, one silt strider to the next.  When we finally arrived at the eastern city of Molag Mar, I was told we’d have to hoof from it as there were no boats going to the Shrine or any of the populated areas surrounding it.  

          “It is kinda out in the middle of nowhere,” mused Jules, “and I in truth, I’m glad.”

           “More exercise?” I asked sarcastically.

       “No, silly girl, I am happy that its reasonably safe from any Imperials trying to desecrate it, or any…er…thieves trying to plunder it.”

          “Oh, Jules, “I said laughing, “You’re a treasure.  But don’t worry.  I will be respectful to the Grand Lady.”

           “Thank you, Anne.”  We arrived late in the evening to a huge shrine on top of a mountain.  Atop the shrine was a statue of a woman with her arms held out, as if she was embracing the land.   I could only assume it was the beloved Azura, Goddess of the Night Sky.  Julan was awestruck.  “Oh, she’s beautiful!  He dropped to his knees and started chanting when reached the  inner shrine.  I had no idea what he was saying—and did not ask.  I always viewed ceremony with respect—at least at a healthy distance.  As Julan touched the statue, it started to speak.  I was shocked…I had seen strange things before—we were in a land governed by magic, but still, this was unexpected.  I was also troubled by Azura’s voice….I had heard it before.

            “I, Azura, Queen of the Night Sky, task you to travel to an island near Dagon Fel and rid the island of Daedra and send me proof of Shenogorath’s interference.”  Apparently she and this Shenogorath, another demigod, also known as the mad god, have some kind of wager going about solitude and prayer. Azura had placed an unknowing acolyte in some little cabin on a far flung island off the coast of Dagon Fel.  Shenogorath decided to swing the odds in favor by disturbing the acolyte with all sorts of Dremora. I understood none of it, but agreed to help with the quest for Julan’s sake, though I felt it was a terrific waste of time.  Surely these deities had more to do than bicker amongst themselves?  

           Julan was elated by this. “By gods, Anni, she spoke to me!  Azura has sent me to task.  Surely it is the sign that I am Nerevarine!  Oh Anne!”  He picked me up, swung me around and kissed me.  “We must go to Dagon Fel immediately!”

          Yeah.  I was happy with this mission as it would give me a chance to see Erica and Red—I missed both of them.  “Surely Jules, but we have to stop in the town proper.  I have some friends I want you to meet.”  He looked slightly uncomfortable.

"Don't I know you from somewhere?"

       The trip was painfully long, though it was worth it to see Red drop a basket of kollop shells on the beach and come running towards me. “Anni!” Red came over and rushed me.  “You left without saying good bye!  What gives?”

      “Had to catch a boat.” I said, giving her an exaggerated kiss on the cheek. I looked over and saw Erica standing over her latest work, she smiled, putting her hammer down and walked towards me. “Good to see you friend.  I see your affairs have prospered since last we met.  What brings you to Dagon Fel?”  

       “This gentleman.  Ladies, this is Julan Kaushibael.  We’re here on a mission from the gods,” I quipped.  I then looked over at Julan;  I was proud of him as he was the dashing sort.  Red started eyeing him funny.  Then started laughing.

        “Hey Julan, don’t I know you from somewhere?” she laughed.   This cannot be good.

        “Uh…no…maybe…uh…I’m not sure.”  Julan’s was blushing—and that’s hard to tell on a Dark Elf.

        “Yeah, well I am…It was a couple of years back…there was Matze involved, oh and you danced on the bar then we—“

“RED!” Erica shouted.  “Julan it’s good to meet you.  Annika and I have been friends for quite some time.” She said this a little forcefully and continued, “You’re welcome here—a friend of Anni’s is a friend of ours.”

            “Is there a place I could clean up?” he asked nervously.  “It’s been a long trip.”

“Down the hall and to the right,” Erica motioned. Julan exited the room hastily.  I was dying to find out why.

“Ok Red, out with it,” I hissed as soon as Julan was out of earshot.  “I so want all the gory details.  Quickly.”  

         “A couple of years ago he came into Dagon Fel with a few of his Ashlander friends.  We all got trashed on Mazte and…well…are you sure you want to hear the rest?”

           “Yeah…go on.”

           “We had drunken sex in the storage closet.  Of course that was after he did a strip tease on the bar.”

           “How very omantic.  Jeeze, what are the odds?” I said shaking my head.

           “I’d say about 1 in 10 with her,” Ice quipped.

            “Are you mad, Anni?”  Red asked quietly. “I probably shouldn’t have said—“

            “Of course I’m not mad, Red.  Though dying of curiosity—shit here he comes.”

           “Ladies…” Julan said politely, knowing full well he had extinguished a heated round of gossip, “I was hoping you’d suggest a place to eat.  We’ve survived off scuttle for days.”

        “Let’s head to the End of The World Tavern,” Ice suggested.  “I think we could all use a little something in our stomach.”

       “As long as it’s my treat,” I said.  It was the least I could do.  Later on when everyone had fallen asleep, or in Red’s case, passed out, I filled Erica in on as much as I could without betraying Julan’s confidence.

      “He’s a liability, Anni,” Erica stated as she exhaled.  “He’s going to hurt you and this mission is going to be trouble.”

       “Hmmm…I know, but hell, it’s been pretty lucrative.  I have prospered, and I wanted you to see that.  I also wanted an ear.” I said as I closed my eyes and leaned against her.  Erica put her arms around me.  “I’ve wanted to cut it off with him, but Erica…I think I’m in love.”

        “It’s difficult.  He seems like a good guy—a little naïve, but charming.  You say he’s useful with an arrow and spell.  Have you...?”

          “No…that’s the thing.  I feel he’s holding out.  He says it’s because he doesn’t want to rush things.”

         “Could be…or maybe he’s afraid…and he doesn’t want too get attached.  He might even be trying to draw you in.   It’s your call. I’ve watched him and seen him look at you throughout the night.  I think there’s something there, but in truth Anni, he’s a young for you.  Not in age, but….”

       “Living.” I completed her thought.  “I know. I told him about serving time, but I haven’t exactly explained the crime. He freaked out about my history.   I guess he’s lived a very sheltered existence.”

“With a crazy woman,” Erica added.  “Anni, you’ve been guarding your heart all your life.  Eventually everyone falls in love—and everyone gets hurt.  You can cut him out now or take a chance. That’s the only advice I can give you.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Let’s get to sleep.” 

"He's a liability."

In the early afternoon we woke.  This time I told everyone good-bye and I purchased a shield for Julan from Erica.  “This saved my life on so many occasions.”

“Thanks for the endorsement,” Erica smiled.

“And the cash,” added Red.  

“Hah!  Of course, Red.  Do take care of yourself and keep that thing in check—I meant your mouth, but I guess it applies to other parts too,” I said as we hugged.  “Julan, it’s time to help Azura win her little wager.”

We walked down the path to toward the coast.  “Anni, I didn’t know Red was your friend.  I wish she hadn’t said anything. It happened years ago…a group of my friends from the Ahemmusa Camp decided to take a boat to Dagon Fel.  We wanted to take our chances with the sea and sew some oats.  I went along for the ride as I was trying to get over Shani.  It just happened.”

“You must have been pretty memorable,” I laughed. “Julan, that’s just Red—and that’s why I love her.  She says the first thing that comes to her mind and doesn’t second guess herself.  She’s guileless.  I’m not angry at either of you.  In fact the story she told was pretty funny.  If the Nerevarine path doesn’t work you could always go into table dancing…Seems you’re pretty good at…”

“Aaaahhhh! Such a joker—wait Anni, I think I see that Island ahead.”  In the distance, off the coast of Dagon Fel, I saw a small island, surrounded by a light fog.  As we got closer, I saw the little cabin—the acolyte’s home.  It was surrounded by Daedra of every kind.

“Jules, I’ll let you take the lead.  This is your mission.” As difficult as it was, I stepped back; he had to learn to sink or swim. We were hit by every class of Daedra, from Hunger to the damned Daedroths, whose poison spewing mouths could drop me in a moment.  After hours of blood and gore, aching arms and sore limbs, we finally reached Staada—a towering Golden Saint.  I stood back and let Julan take lead in battle and the prize to present to Azura.  

“Ugh.  I’m exhausted.  Spying on cultists actually sounds fun.  Let’s loot some ruins in this area and make the trip worthwhile—well to me that is.  Jules, I know how much doing this meant to you.”

“Thanks Anni.”  We took only one Dwemer ruin that had obviously been looted many times before, as their was little more than shattered glasses and plates, then used a recall spell to get back to Azura’s coast.  It was much like fast travel, with the queasiness, though it made for a much shorter trip.

“You ready?” I said walking back into the shrine.

“As I’ll ever be.  Let’s go on in.”  Azura, with her booming voice speaking to no one in particular (as was common with gods) accepted the tokens of the wager.  Jules received the one thing he was craving—acknowledgement.  Azura let Jules keep the ring and armor found on Staada.  She also handed him Azura’s Star, an exceedingly valuable soul gem.

Day 71

“Julan, if you want to stop by Mashti’s and tell her all this, be my guest.  I’m going to go to Balmora and see what’s happening with Cosades.  We’ll meet up in Ald-ruhn, at that tavern you like so much.”

“You sure you don’t want to go with me?  I know how much you and mother get on.” He said laughing.

“Hmmph. I’ll see you at the Ald Skar Inn.  You should give her the ring.”

“Oh, and Anni you can take the soul gem. I’ll see you soon—I hope.”

“Very.” I kissed him softly on the mouth; though in truth, I was happy to get a few days to myself.  I needed time to think.  I went to Pelagiad and spent the evening with Ence. By his grin I knew he had the latest on Maurie and Nelos; turns out Nelos did get off his duff and find her.  I cracked open a bottle of Cyrodillic wine as the warm southern wind blew the sweet scent of golden kanet all around.

“Damnedest thing, Anni.  He left almost immediately after you spoke with him.  She was in Pelagiad the next day.”

“Really?  So are they living off love or did he actually get some work?”

“Are you kidding me?  Nelos?  Work?  Oh that’s rich…..No turns out Sera Aurmine owns an ebony mine not too far off.  From what I’ve heard, Daddy is just glad she’s found something to amuse herself with.  Very dramatic girl.  Nelos is oblivious so it works out marvelously.”

“Oh a happy ending!”  I smiled wistfully, “Everyone loves those.”

“Speaking of which…where’s your handsome prince?”

“He’s visiting Mum.  They’re close…” I said rolling my eyes.

“Oh don’t be so harsh…There’s nothing wrong with that….But there’s something else, isn’t there, Anni?”

“Yes, and I wish I could talk about,” I sighed.  “Gods know I need to.”

“Well when you can, I’m here,” smiled Ence.  His kindness was a balm.  I spent the night with him, listening to stories of his life and loves in  Pelagiad.  He also laughed about his failed romance with Uulernil. “Too bitchy even for my tastes.” Ence laughed.

“Too uptight.”

“Not too many choices round here, Anni,” he said sadly.

I put my head on his chest. “I can only imagine.”

Ence rented some pack guars and we headed back to Balmora, saving my legs the trip.  I stopped by Cosades who had finally figured out what he wanted me to do.  “I need you to go to Ald-ruhn and speak to Hassour Zainubani.  He’s a Ashlander who left the Wastes to become a wealthy trader.  I want you to speak to him about the Nerevarine Cult.  You can ask around, but I think he spends a lot of time in the Ald Skar Inn.”

“Ok. I’ll report back soon.” Sitting on the Silt Strider, yet again, I thought.  Déjà vu. I was tired of this whole Nerevarine thing. Walking down the landing strip to Ald-ruhn, yet again, I wondered what the interest was in all this to the Empire.  Avoiding another war? Trying to win over an angry people?  When I walked into the Ald Skar I saw Julan talking to an older, distinguished looking gentleman with grey-black hair, and cat like eyes.  “Hello Julan,” I said in a low voice.

“Annika Blue, this is Hassour Zainubani.  He’s an old friend of my mother—and me.”

“Hassour, it’s a pleasure,” I said graciously.

“Pleasure is all mine.” Hassour said, taking my hand his, his warm smile lighting up the room.  “So Julan tells me we have a friend in common.  I believe you know Caius Cosades?”

“Yes.  Actually it’s funny that you mention him as I’ve been sent here by Caius to speak to you regarding the Nerevarine Cult, but first, from what Julan has told me there is a gift giving custom of your people.”

“That is correct.”

“Julan has told me you were fond of books—in fact he said that you were the one who provided him with so many as a child.”

“Why Julan, you remember.”

“Of course, old friend,” Julan answered tenderly.

“I picked this up in my travels,” I handed Hassour a book called Ashland Hymns.

“Why Annika, thank you!  This book—simple sentiments, simply stated.” Hassour then looked up at me, “I gratefully accept your gift.  My people have never loved the written word, and I lament their ignorant scorn for such common yet potent magic.” He turned to Julan, “I can see what you mean about her…Well…Annika what would you like to know about the Nerevarine Cult?”

“Whatever you wish to tell, though I already have access to one who knows a great deal,” I said looking toward Julan, “but Caius wanted me to speak specifically to you.”

“Well, I will give you my notes on Ashlanders and the Nerevarine Cult.  Though, Annika, you should know, as I’m sure Julan has told you, that Ashlanders generally dislike most settled people, particularly non-Dunmers.  I know it’s a racist view and I’ve scorned that way of thinking as I believe it makes my people more insular and vulnerable, but sadly that’s just the way it is.  Follow Julan’s lead in dealing with the tribes.”

"Why Julan, you remember."

“I will.  I am quite fortunate to have him with me.”

“You are indeed.  Take care lovely Annika,” Hassour said as he kissed my hand, “and take care of Julan.” He bowed respectfully to me and to Julan as we turned to leave one of the most charming mer I had met since landing on this rock.

“Well that was ironic,” I said walking out the door. “What a lovely man.  How did you know him?”

“He used a travel route that ran by our yurts.  Mother and Hassour would often trade—and I think they grew quite fond of one another, though mother never spoke of it directly.  He used to come by with gifts of books for me.  He also is the one who taught me to read.  Hassour often traveled with his son Hannat Zainsubani, and we would play while Hassour and mother talked.”

“What happened between Hassour and Mashti?” I asked purely out of curiosity.

“I’m not sure.  When I was about 13, he stopped coming by.  I was greatly saddened by that.  I tried asking mother, but she would abruptly change the subject.  In truth, don’t know, Anni.”

“Well, let’s get these notes to Cosades.  How was your trip to mother’s?”

“Good, she was amazed.  She wanted to thank you for taking me there.”

“Wow.”

“Look I know the two of you got off to a bad start, but Anni, she’s really is a good person.  I hope one day the two of you can be friends.  It would mean a lot to me.  Anyways…enough of that…Where’s that kiss?” I felt his warm lips against mine and realized how much I’d missed him in the last few days.

“Julan, I think we should talk when we get back to Balmora.” I said slowly.

“Uh oh, something wrong?” he asked jokingly, but I could tell he was concerned.

“Nothing,” I put my hand on his chest. “I just think we should talk.”   I had no idea what I was going to say, but before his mission and mine came to a head, I wanted him to know how I felt.  I was going to lay it on the table.

“Well, let’s get back.  Appears we have much to discuss.” He took my hand as we made our way to the silt strider.  We reached the apartment and started kissing heavily.  Julan removed his armor and then sat on the bed.  Before we stopped my shirt was on the ground and my lips swollen from kissing.  “Oh, Anni, you’d best get to Cosades.  I do think you’re right about having that talk.” He kissed me again. “I’ll be here waiting for you.”

“Jules—I…I’ll be back soon.”  

I walked to Cosades as if I was walking on air.  Had I ever felt this way before?  The farm boy, no—no there was nothing like this.  My only hope is that he felt it too.  

“Annika,” Cosades said, “Good work on the report, but keep those notes on you.  I’m promoting you and sending you to the Urshailaku camp to speak with Sul-Matuul and Nibani Maesa.  But before you, I think it may be time to tell you what’s going on.”

Finally.  I just nodded in assent.

“The Emperor and his advisors believe you may be the Nerevarine.  That’s why you were spared on his Majesty’s authority and sent to me.  Here’s the decoded package.  It explains everything.”

Oh gods no…no…I will lose him.  Oh gods…no, no, no.

“Annika, are you ok?  You look as if you’re going to fall.”

I swayed like a birch in the wind.  “No Caius, I just need to sit—and read.  This is all a bit much for me.  Certainly unexpected.” Not mention unwanted.

“Annika,” Caius said after a time, “Do you really satisfy prophesy? Are you really the prophesized Nerevarine?”

“I don’t know…I honestly don’t know, Caius.”

“At first, I thought we were just supposed to create a persuasive imposter.  Now I don’t know what to think.” He then turned toward me, his voice losing some of its previous sympathy. “But I’m sure of one thing.  This is not just a primitive superstition, and we will treat it seriously, just as his Majesty commands.”

“I have to go,” I said as I slowly rose.  I felt a wave of nausea wash over me.  “I will report to Sul-Matuul.” I ran out the door and vomited over the side of the railing.  For two hours I sat by the river Odai and thought of throwing myself in.  “Oh gods, if there are any out there, why?  Why not Jules?  He was supposed to be the one.  Please hear me.  Let him be the one.” I wept bitterly for a time then I knew what I had to do.  I had to face him.  I made the trip back home as if in slow motion.  I felt like I had weights attached to my body as opposed to the clouds I felt earlier this morning; what a difference a day can make.  I had barely turned the door nob before  Julan swung it open.

“You!” he could barely speak. “You…you faithless, traitorous n’wah!”  He knocked the jewelry box off the dresser.  “You scum, you liar! You whore for the Empire! I thought I could trust you!!!  I had even thought, idiot that I am that I might love—Gah!  Forget it.  Now you have betrayed me in the worst possible way!!!”

Gods how did he know?  “What are you talking abo—“

“Don’t start…Don’t start…” he raised his finger and pointed it at me. “Just shut your lying mouth! I knew something wasn’t right about that Cosades man!  So I used our telepathy rings to listen to your conversation.”

“You spied on me!  Bastard!” I said pushing past him.

“What?” he swung me around. “You have the nerve to accuse me of spying???  You’re the fucking spy, Annika!  I know that now!  You’re an Imperial Blade! Of all people, I never thought you would be a spy for my most hated enemies.  I should have known.  You’re a thief, liar and gods knows what else!”

“You never complained when those skills benefited you!  And for the record, I never thought I’d be a fucking spy either, Julan!” I cried.

“Don’t!” He threw a vase across the room.  Don’t you ever say my fucking name again!  He paused trembling.  “And you know, your lies aren’t even the worst of it!”

“Oh, well let’s have it!  Just get it all off your chest, Julan!”

“AAAAHHHH!” He picked up a beer bottle and threw it across the room landing against the wall. I wondered what would be next, he seemed to take delight in destroying all of my “Imperial” excess.  Julan moved closer pointing his finger in my face, “You’re trying to pass yourself off as the Nerevarine!  You!?!  An Outlander?  How dare you mock me like that!!  And not just me…my people…my religion… my entire way of life!” He tossed the dresser.  He actually threw a dresser.  Landed inches from my feet.

I started crying at this point.  I had never shed a tear in front of him.  I had come dangerously close but now…everything was too near the surface.  “Look, this was a surprise to me too!  I never wanted this!” I sobbed hysterically.

“I don’t care, you bloody bitch!  Your tears don’t work so quit crying!”  I picked up the closest thing to me…a book and flung it at his face.  He moved toward me and threw me up against the wall and hissed, “I don’t care.  You’re still prepared to go to the Urshailaku and attempt to con them into accepting you as the fulfillment of the prophecies.  That is the most offensive and ridiculous thing I have ever heard!” He threw me on to the bed.  At this point I didn’t know what was coming next so I quickly stood my ground and shoved him in to the large chair—it would difficult for him to throw it now.  

“Look, you stupid, Ashlander bastard—and that’s truly what you are… I had no idea!”

“How can I possibly believe anything you say anymore?  I just….” He looked up at me and paused…”I can’t believe you could do this to me.”

“It’s always about you, isn’t it?  How do you think I feel?  I never wanted this….”

“You!  Annika, how you feel?  What—.”

“Gods, you’re a child,” I snarled, “you can’t even think of anything but yourself!” I screeched.

“Stop changing the subject!!  You lied to me!! You must’ve been laughing at me all along,” he said standing, voice growing louder. “How could you lie about something so important to me?…And don’t…don’t you dare say ‘its just a job.”

“I never told you I was with the Blades because I knew you’d act like this!  If I had known this was going to happen,” I said moving closely to him hissing, “I would have let those Clannfears eat you alive.”  I shoved him.  He drew back, but stopped himself.

“Maybe you should of…” He turned for a moment, head in his hands. He then looked up.  “Gods are you saying you think I’m overreacting?  You self-centered cunt!  You betrayed me in the worst possible way and I will never forgive you.  Ever!”

All hell breaking loose

“Get the fuck out of my house…..” I said softly, closing my eyes…He didn’t move. “Get the fuck out of my house!” I shrieked.  “Get the fuck out!” I picked up the silver water pitcher…flung it, just inches past his head.

“Oh, no.  You’re not getting rid of me that easily.  Do you really thing I’m going to sit back and let you try and mislead my people?”

“Oh and what do you plan to do?  You’re a hated outcast from your people, remember?” I shouted in a rage, then stopped for a second, shocked by my own anger.  I wanted to take that back as soon as the words left my mouth, but the damage was done. There was no going back now.   He stared at me for a minute, hate and tears welling in his eyes.  And then he spat out the words…

“Go on, twist the knife, you bloody whore!  Yes, I am an outcast, and probably no one would listen to a word I said, but I will do something! I can’t let you do this and I won’t.  You’ll have to kill me first!”

“Perhaps I will.”  I clenched the hilt of my sword.  “Get out.  Now.”

“Fine,” he said moving closer until he was inches from my face, his body pressing me against the door, “but remember this pretty girl, you have betrayed me, but I won’t let you betray the whole of Vvardenfell to the Emperor!” He slammed the door shut.  I slumped to the floor.  Anger and tears overwhelmed me.  I needed to sleep.  I had to sleep.  Klutzily, and shaking, I went through my cupboard and found the potion of rest I bought at the local apothecary.  I downed a gulp, then two.  Suddenly the room started spinning, my head and thoughts, my heartbreak, all of it started fading into Oblivion.