Chapter 17

Chapter 17:  The Road to Redemption

Day  227

I started back for Vivec, but I knew there was no point. Emotionally drained and ragged I thought it best to pull myself together in Dagon Fel before meeting with Crassius. I spent several days wondering aimlessly through Molag Amur region.  The first laugh I had came from the thought that I might spark a legend of a woman weeping her way across the wastes. Fortunately, sanity kicked in and I managed to make it back to Tel Aruhn and took the boats to Dagon Fel.

            “What the hell happened to you?” Red said staring at me as I stumbled in the Metal Queen.

            “Oh Anni, I take it…” Erica started.

            “Wedding’s off,” I chocked.  Red put a drink in front of me and I downed it before she could put the shaker down.  She poured again.  Ice closed the shop and we all headed downstairs.

"You're a mess."

            “So what happened Anni?” Erica asked as I laid my head in her lap.  I sobbed out the entire story.  Everything from Kaushad to Falura and the inevitable end of Annika and Julan.  I winced at telling Vicky and Ice about Falura, but it was the truth; though as ugly as a Daedroth.

         “I know you think I’m horrid,” I sniffed after unloading.  “Trust me I hate myself too.  I hate the Nerevarine, the Dunmer…”

          “Stupid men,” Red added.

          “Yeah, especially those,” I said smiling wanly.

         “Anni, I’m not sure you two were ready.  You said it yourself…you both had issues…and well, it seems they got the better of you,” countered Erica.

        “Yeah,” I weakly agreed.  “It’s just I loved him,” I wailed like a s’wit.  For a horrifying moment I reminded myself of Shani.  I looked up and saw Vicky staring at me.  She had eyes that could pierce a soul and she looked at me as if she was reading mine.  I sat up and spoke, “I am so sorry about what I did to Falura. I can’t believe what this whole…quest is turning me into.  I’m supposed to be some sort of savior and here I am either hacking people to death or selling a poor girl into slavery.”

            “Well, it wasn’t as if you were given much choice,” Ice said calmly.

            “I could have made a stand.  I could have thought out a better plan,” I said sniffling.

          “Look Annika, you’ll have to make it right, or it’s going to eat you alive,” Vicky started. “I don’t know you as well as Erica, but I can see you’re not monster.  If you really want to do something let’s think of a plan.  Or you can sit here and feel sorry for yourself—your choice.”  For the first time in days I stopped sobbing.  I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked a Vicky.

            “What can I do?” I asked pitifully.

            “Do you still have her papers—from the slave mistress?”

Vicky and those soul-piercing eyes

            “Yeah.”

          “Good, that’s a start,” nodded Vicky.  “Believe it or not, you’ve bought this girl some time.  She’s not being sold off immediately; she’s this Ashkhan’s wife, right?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Well, she’s not on the auction block yet,” Ice started, “but how long do you think this little roué is going to last?  Eventually through the slip of the tongue or blackmail it’s going to come out.”

              “What you’re going to have to do is find an Imperial notary—and actually there’s one here—Heifnir—and draw up some release papers stating you’re granting Falura her freedom,” Vicky advised.

            “An Imperial Notary? In Dagon Fel?” I said laughing, though I noticed no one was laughing with me.  Awkward. “Wow, I’m sorry that just came out…It’s Red’s drink speaking,” I said quickly.

            “Yeah, who do you think we got our charter from?” Erica said.  

            “It’s not like we wanted to chance Vivec,” said Ice.

            “Ok, so what do I do when I see this notary?”

            “You’re going to draw up release papers.  Make sure they are copied by a Scribner of some sort and duly noted too—Heifnir will do whatever you want, so don’t worry about that—though it will cost you.”              “That’s fine.”

            “Then you’ll take them back to Falura, though keep one copy of them for yourself—just in case,” Vicky replied.  “And Annika…if you really wanted to be sweet, you could give her some septims to make a start back on the main land—if you’re really serious about making this right.”

            “I thought of that.  And yeah, I actually have the papers on me now.”

            “Well it’s going to take several days for Heifnir to get those papers together.  Use that time to pull yourself together, cause you ain’t doin’ nobody any good in the state you’re in,” said Erica.

            “I’ll sit here and figure out what crap Crassius expects from me.”

            “Oh, I could answer that,” said Red. “We’ve had some dealing with him.  Watch yourself.”

            “I will,” I said yawning, “Oh, I need to sleep.  Ladies, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

            “Be a sniffling little s’wit,” snarked Red.

             “Yeah.”

            “We’ll see you on the morrow,” said Erica.  “Don’t worry Anni, this will all turn out.”  I laid on the couch and stared at the fire until I woke late in the morning to the smell of coffee and kwarma eggs.  

            “Thought you could use this,” Red said as placed the plate of eggs in front of me.  

            “Thanks.” I drank the coffee and slowly got dressed then went to Heifnir.  Thankfully the girls were right—he’d do whatever you asked—for the right price.  I could ask him to write up a charter for my left toe and he would have gladly acquiesced.  At least he was agreeable.  I stayed there four more days pulling myself together as advised, though Red of course, found a way to undo most of it.

            “Good thing you never have to deal with the Ahemmusa again, Anni!  Boy, how uncomfortable that would be!”

            “Oh shit,” I said.

            “Great going, Red, why don’t you ever think before you blurt?” Vicky snapped.  Maybe you should count to 10 before you speak."
             "Then I'd never get say anything!" shouted Red.
              "Exactly," Ice and Vicky said in unison.  I just laughed.
           “Oh…bloody hell, I will have to deal with him again.  I never got word from the Ahemmusa…their vote for Nerevarine.”

            “Kinda funny how people get to vote on a savior…” Erica quipped.

            “Yeah.” I had been thinking that same thing the entire time. “I don’t know, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it,” I said shaking my head.  “There’s nothing for it now.”

             “Well you have some time.  Just be calm,” said Ice.

            “Do you think it’s really over?” asked Red.  “I mean, well…I’ll just stop.”

              “Good girl,” laughed Vicky.

            “I can’t answer that.  I don’t know.  I guess Red I just got tired of being afraid.  I was constantly worried about losing him—to something or someone.”

            “Sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy, wouldn’t you say?” asked Ice.

            “The only reliable one I’ve come across yet,” I laughed, bitterly.

            “You know in your heart if it’s over,” said Red.

            “Then it’s not,” I said looking at my hands. I still love him.”  I stopped speaking for a second and took a deep breath. “But…well…sometimes.”

            “Sometimes love just ain’t enough,” Erica said softly, stroking my hair.

         “Well, I’m heading off.  I’ll see Crassius first then take care of Falura….then I guess I’ll go from there.”

            “Well, if you need us.”

            “I can’t ask you guys to help.  According to Crassius, my main obstacle is Dren.”

            “The governor?” exclaimed Red.

            “No.  His brother.”

Anni, he's a monster!

         “Oh, he’s a monster, Anne!” shouted Erica.  “Are these fuckers trying to kill you?  I did a lot a work for him—well before...I pulled my shit together.  He’s a slave driver, or killer, to be honest and is an arms and drug pusher to boot.  He’s got a friggin’ fortress!"

            “I know,” I said calmly.  "I’ve seen it from the road.  But listen to me Erica…I don’t want you involved.  Not while his brother holds any sway over you—your business and I don’t want them finding out about Vicky, not until we work to clear that... Don’t worry, ladies.  I have someone in mind for the job, if she’ll do it.”

            “That Shani, girl?  Isn’t she like, Julan’s ex?” laughed Red.

            “Well, yeah, Red, but she’s also good friend.”  How much of our friendship predicated on my relationship with Julan, I was unsure, but we’d see.

            “Well, maybe she can help soften him,” said Ice.

            “Yeah, provided you don’t get her killed,” Erica chimed in.  “Please be careful, Anni.”

            “I’ll do my best.”

            “Let us know how it goes, Anni,” said Red.

            “I’ll keep in touch.”

Day 241  

Everything was lonelier.  The house in Vivec was noticeably emptier.  I hadn’t ever let anyone get as close as Julan had so I never knew what to expect if it ended.  Kat had been my only example of a deep loss.  I hated to admit it, but losing Julan was every bit as painful as losing Kat—different, but just as awful.  I piddled around the house.  I walked around for days in a trance; picking up things and putting them down, buying new furniture.  I also hired some retainers—for the company, I think.  Finally, I went to talk to Crassius about the Hortator.  I had given him what he wanted, he better live up to his end, considering all his little mission cost me.

            “Crassius, it’s done.”

            “Well, thanks to you, the Empire must still buy all its ebony from House Hlaalu.  How sweet, how thoughtful.  Let’s talk about being Hlaalu Hortator now, shall we?”

            “Yes, I think that would be best.”

              He moved around me slowly, his eyes stripping me bare.  “Ah, Annika, your eloquent passion, your exquisite vulnerability moves me to risk all and defy Orvas Dren,” he said whispering in my ear.  “Yes, I will name you Hortator.  But I have something to ask of you.”

"No."

            “Then ask.”  How far would I let him go?  I stared at his bright, dancing eyes.  He was very attractive, and well, part of me wanted him too, though I hated myself for it.

              “Let me touch you, let me take some of the worry off your shoulders.  Just for a night….” I felt his lips move softly over mine and I groaned slightly.  His hands moved between my legs as he leaned in and kissed me.  I froze.  For a second I swore he tasted like every trick before him.  Then suddenly it came to me, as sharp and clear as cut glass, I was not his whore, not Vvardenfell’s nor the Empire’s.  I moved back from him.

            “No, Crassius.  I kept my part of the bargain.  Now keep yours,” I said firmly.  He nodded and turned taking something out of a drawer.

            “Ah well, if you change your mind...” He cleared his throat then winked. “In my formal capacity as Councilor of House Hlaalu, I give you my vote for the title of Hortator.” He took a little bow.

            I laughed, what else was there to do with such a man?  “Thank you, Crassius, now tell me what can I do to win the others.”

            He smiled.  “I’m only telling you this because I like you.”

            “Liar,” I laughed, “you’re telling me this to get in my pants.”

         “Well, that too.  Seriously though, I like you.  You’re not what I expected in the Nerevarine.  You actually have a sense of humor,” he paused for a moment, looking away—theatrically of course, but the emotion was genuinely there; Crassius then turned back to me.  “Anne, I’m surrounded day to day by people that don’t, so let me help you.  Dram Bero can be persuaded to support you—if you can find him.  Rumor has it that he’s trying to outrun a writ from the Morag Tong.  So he’s understandably a little paranoid.  Then there’s Yngling Half-Troll.”

            “Is that really his name?”

       “Yes, dear, but it should have been ‘All-Troll’.  He’s a foreigner like me, but he simply doesn’t understand the Dunmer like I do.  So if you have to dispose of him…well, let’s put it this way…if he were gone nobody’d miss him.  Nevena Ules and Velanda Ormani are Dren’s creatures.  You will not get their support.”

            “Tell me about Orvas Dren.”

         “Well he’s the head of the Comonna Tong if that tells you anything.  He despises the Empire, his brother and all Outlanders.  I’ve heard rumors that he has made some kind of deal with Sixth House.”

            “Well then he really hates me ‘cause I’ve been knocking off his best customers…not to mention his partners….and suppliers.”

            “How come that doesn’t surprise me Annika?" he laughed, then turned me seriously.  "Anni, there’s only so much I can do, you’ll have to kill him—but make sure he strikes you first.  And come prepared.  Take that pretty boy you had with you the last time in as back.  Take a few more if you can.”  I just nodded; no need to explain that I had my heart splattered to Oblivion and back by that pretty boy.

             “I’ve got a few things to do Crassius; I’ll be back in month’s time.”

             “At your leisure…After all, it’s not like anyone else is trying out for your role.”

   

Day 247

It was a long trip back to the Zainab.  I made my way quickly and tried not think—of anything.  If my mind wandered anywhere then I would feel a great wave of sadness wash over me, slowing me down to drift aimlessly amid the wastes of Vvardenfell.  After killing a dozen or so cliff racers, I realized I needed to stop somewhere and repair my sword—Julan was not here to do it.  Suran was closest—just over the mountains ahead.

            A top a hill against the crisp night sky I saw him—an Orc dressed in full battle gear. He was an older gentleman, standing by a small camp fire polishing his armor.  He didn’t have the look of a bandit nor did he move to attack me, instead he stood as I approached and bowed slightly, looking me directly in the eyes he spoke.

              “Have you come seeking me?” the soldier asked.

Worthy old dragoon

              “No sera.  What I seek lies a great distance away.  Who are you?”

            “Well, my name is unimportant, though if it will make you more comfortable, you may call me Umbra.  It is the name of my blade, though it may as well be mine.”

            “Very well, Umbra, I am Annika.  May I ask what are you doing standing here?  Stargazing perhaps?”

            “No,” he said shaking his head.

          “Then what is it you wish to accomplish tonight, worthy old Dragoon?”

            “What are any of my accomplishments in the whole of this world?” Umbra asked rhetorically.  “I have traveled from one end of the land to the other.  I have killed creatures that can stop a man’s heart with but a look.  I have the blood of man and mer unaccountable on my hands.  I have seen the atrocities of war and the hideous excess of peace.  There is nothing left for me in this world.” I sat down by the campfire and listened to his tale.

            “The atrocities of war, Umbra?  Tell me what you have seen.” I wanted to know what lay before me should the worst happen.

            “I have seen the wholesale slaughter of men, women, entire races of people.  Villages have burned before my eyes—my hand held the torch, and my hand has thrown water on the flames.  I have been ankle deep in blood, swinging Umbra in a wild arc, all for the glory of battle and here I still stand.”  He paused for a minute lost in his memories.

            “Why do you wait here, Umbra?” I asked, shaking him from his reverie.

            He sighed. “Because I have no more to do in this life.  I have saved whole towns from packs of Daedra, and I have slaughtered men for the glory of countless nobles.  All that is left for me is my own death, and the gods have cheated me of that.  All I ask is to die like a warrior, but how can that be?”

            “What do you mean?”

            “It is my curse, Annika, that I through out my travels and battles that I have found no one who can best me in combat.”

            “Really?  No one?”

            “Perhaps you,” he said smiling slightly.  “Annika, could you free me from the chains of living?  I have seen it all and wish to see no more.”

            “I think I stand a fair chance.  Though are you sure that is what you want?”  I knew from the weary look in his eyes, it was.

            He nodded slightly, “Yes, sera.  If you can.”   I moved to get up, Umbra gave me hand.  I liked this man, despite what he had done.  I could see myself in his refection; pawn to nobles, a brave warrior, and yes—a killer.  I decided to ease his pain in hopes that in time someone would be kind enough to ease mine when my usefulness had ceased and my living brought me no joy.

            He stood to his full height and readied his weapon. I bowed my head to him and raised my sword.  It was over quickly.  His age got the better of him, though I knew that he could have easily been my end at the height of his greatness.  I decided that I would keep his sword and sold his armor to pleasant Orc armorer in Suran.  I told him the tale of my encounter with Umbra.  He smiled and said, “That poor Orc has been standing there for many years, he has been hero of legends and recently the butt of many childish pranks.  I am glad you gave him a Warrior’s death Annika.  And I am glad you did not meet your own!”

            “As I am.  Good day to you sera,” I said leaving.  I gathered some supplies while in Suran then took the Silt Strider to Molag Mar—I would have to make it the rest of the way by foot.  I spent four days on the road, encountering not a single soul.  Upon entering the Grazelands, I had this feeling—a sense of dread.  I knew I needed to be quick.  I slipped on my cloak and made my way to the Zainab camp sight unseen.  Dawn was breaking on the fifth day when I saw her and my heart sank.  Beside a pile of rocks and rubbish outside the camp was broken body of Falura.  I used every bit of conjuring power and potion I had to bring her near-lifeless body back.

      “Falura,” I said shaking her gently, “Falura, what happened?”  Blood covered her beloved “noblewoman’s” clothes.

Falura discovered and discarded

          “Annika?” she asked, barely audibly.  “How is it…” she started crying.  I held her close and rocked gently.  I had been too late.  This was all my fault.

            “Falura, I’m taking you to Holamayan—the best healers I know—they can help you.” I had thought for a moment to take her to Mashti, but feared what would happen if Julan had seen Falura’s broken body.  The Ahemmusa could not afford a battle with the Zainab—not yet anyway.  I lifted her gently and literally flew—to Holamayan.  

          “Annika,” she whispered, “Please make sure I get back to Mournhold.  I want to be buried in my own land.”

          “You’re not dead and when you’re healed we’ll go together.  I swear, Falura…I will make this up to you…somehow.”

            “Just get me home, Annika.”

         After three grueling hours of running and flying, we arrived at Holamayan. I took Falura straight to Mehra, who fetched the healer Beraren.

            “What happened to this woman?” he asked, shocked at her appearance.

            “Her husband,” I spat.

            “Ai, I will do all that I can.  Mehra, fetch me my assistant, please.  Annika, stay close by.  She won’t be returning to him, will she?”

            “No, we’re leaving for the mainland.”

            “Who is her husband?”

            “A dead man.” It was only a matter of time.  After settling Falura with healers, I scratched out a note to Julan:

   

    Jules,

    All went wrong with Falura.  She is safe now and healing at Holamayan.  I will be escorting her back to the mainland soon per her request (she will be well provided for—don’t worry).  Julan, there must not be war between the tribes.  Should Kaushad confront you about your role in bringing Falura to the camp, shift the blame to me and Sonummu—as that witch deserves it. . No matter what you hear, know that Falura is safe and in good hands.  

   

    Anni

            This had to be done and quickly, for I knew it was only a matter of time before the Zainab made contact with the Ahemmusa.  There would be stories and wild rumors; I had to make sure these stories did not precipitate a war.  I found a young neophyte only too willing to leave the stuffy confines of Holamayan and paid him well to deliver the letter to Julan.  I then stayed with Falura while she healed.  The healers were able to put all back in place—they even repaired the teeth so cruelly knocked out.  While Falura healed, she told me what had happened after Julan and I left.

            “Oh sera, it was awful, though it started out well enough.  For the first day or two, he wasn’t a brute…but then, oh…he was just—disgusting, but that wasn’t the worst of it.  Sonummu sought favors from me—she wanted certain people banished from the Zainab, and blackmailed me into helping her—though in the end it was too much.  I could not do it anymore.  When I refused a request she told Kaushad everything.  Oh, Anni, he was so angry.  He beat me bloody then drug me through the camp encouraging others to do likewise. That’s the last thing I remember before seeing you.”

            “If it means anything, Falura,” I started in tears and shamed to the ground, “I am sorry for what I did to you and how I acted.  I was…” I stopped, there were no words for my behavior.  “I deserve your scorn…and hate.”

            “I have no energy for such things now, Outlander,” she said smiling slightly.  “I only want off this damned island.”

            “Well,” I said slowly, “I can help you with that.”

            “You can?” she asked faintly, then inhaled.  “Oh, Annika I have wanted to return to Mournhold for so long.  There is much that I had left behind.”

            “You’ll return as a free woman, Falura,” I said handing her the papers.  “And you will also go back a rich one too.”  I took a case filled with 30,000 septims—a king’s ransom—from the money earned looting and pillaging.  “This is the very least I can do for you—for selling you out, for going against everything I believed in, for treating you like…”

            “Like a slave…” Falura said, looking me in eyes.  “Well, I forgive you.  You saved my life and have made things right—and with any luck I can find my beloved.”

            I turned from her, putting my head down, then spoke in a raspy voice.  “He’s at the Ahemmusa camp.”

            “What?” Falura asked looking puzzled.

            “Julan…Julan is with the Ahemmusa,” I said.  Falura started laughing until tears ran out of her eyes.

           “Annika, you are funny.  Oh, I liked Julan, and perhaps if I had met him some time ago…well, you might have reason to fear, but no…I was separated from my love when I was sold to Savile, months ago—oh and you were right Outlander, though I was scared to tell you before, the scheme between Savile and Sonnumu had been worked out weeks in advance.  Savile had come from the Zainab—in fact they were cousins of some sort. Anyway, Sonnumu had wanted purchase me before, but she lacked the…”

"A dead man."

           “Capital.  I suspected as much,” I said dryly.  “Well, anyway, what were you saying before—oh I know—about your love.  Tell me about him.”

            Falura smiled, her new teeth gleaming, and yes she was quite pretty. “You see Annika, Rielle was a commoner in Mournhold.  We met two years back when I was new to his employer—my master’s home.  He could not afford to purchase my freedom.  So I lost him—though now…now with some luck I can find him again,” she paused smiling, then turned to me with a puzzled expression, “But what of Julan, Annika?  You say he is with the Ahemmusa?  Why is he not here?”

            “Because I lost him, Falura,” I said simply.  “My jealousy—our mutual jealousy actually, stupidity and tempers won the day.”  Then, over the course of a week as Falura healed, I poured out my story, I told her of all that had transpired, not only of Julan and my parting, but of everything that had come before, from the moment I got off the prison ship until now… “In truth,” I said finishing my tale, “I think we were doomed from the start.”

            “How can one be so skilled with a blade be so utterly ignorant, eh?  And you’re the Nerevarine.”

            “Go ahead and laugh.” Personally, I did not find it funny—at least not today.

            “I will,” Falura said jovially.  “Oh, sera I thought I was misguided and foolish—you put me to shame!  The gods must have it in for Vvardenfell if you’re leading the charge.”  I looked away, though I saw Falura smiling.  “Oh Anni, I was only teasing.  I shouldn’t have said that. Look, despite all that has happened, and all that you’ve done, I still think you’re a good soul.  That should count for something, I guess?”

            “I’m so tired of this mission.”

            “Well, maybe you’ll get lucky and the Red Mountain will blow its top!”

            “I wouldn’t be surprised, maybe I’d be pleased,” I mused.  “But enough of this cheerful talk.  You need to rest as we need to start out tomorrow.  I’ll tell Julan you said hello…and that you’ll be in Mournhold…when next I see him again.”

            “Well, I hope you can sort things out.  I liked him, and surprisingly,” she paused, “…I’m starting to like you.”

            “Good night, Falura.”

            We left early the next morning with the stars still shining in the predawn sky.  I had told Falura that I planned on taking her to Ebonheart where she could fast travel to the mainland with a mage named Acsine Raine, then her destiny would finally be her own.  

            “What made you come back for me, Outlander?”

            “My conscience.”  I then thought of Vicky.  “And my friends.”

            “Are they slaves?” she asked laughing.

            “Why yes, actually, an escaped slave and her criminal lover along with a couple of ex-cons.  I think you’d fit right in Falura.”

            “I suppose I should take that as a compliment.”

            “You can take it anyway you like,” I smiled.  “Anyway, I guess they put things in perspective for me.  I’ve been in prison, but I’ve never been sold or separated from…someone loved—other than death.”

            “Or foolishness.”

            “Yes…Yes, I think we covered that.  I am a dolt.  Well, it’s a long ride to Ebonheart.  So. Tell me some of the stories you told Julan…about your life.”  

            I spent the greater part of a week helping Falura get set up in Mournhold.  She was able to buy a manor house of her own right.  Falura had not found Rielle upon my leaving, though I had no doubt she would locate him eventually.  As we parted, she spoke kindly to me, “Thank you for this…believe it or not I am glad for what happened.”

            “Really?”

            “Well, perhaps I could have done without the beating or ever meeting Sonummu, but if that was the price for my freedom, well…then so be it.  Annika, I hope you accomplish everything you’ve set out to do and…if there’s anything you need—.”

            “You have given me what I needed, though,” I paused, thinking of Ice and Vicky, for without them my redemption would not have been possible, “if you could help my friends, the ones I told you about.”

            “Yes, though I’m not sure what I can do.”

            “All I need is some information, Falura.  I’d like to find out what the bounty is on Lorel and how much it would cost to buy Vicky’s freedom.  That is all I need to know.  When you have word of this send me a message—not too detailed—via courier.  My retainers will make sure I receive it.”

            “Ai.  I will do this, Annika.  Good luck to you.”