Chapter 7

Chapter 7:  Aftermath

Urshalaku Camp

Day 73

I woke two days later.  I rushed to the loo and vomited, splashed some water on my face and looked around.  Surrounded by glass shards, busted chairs and books strewn everywhere, I sat down on the floor and lit a hack-lo leaf.  There was nothing to drink but water, all the liquor was gone, and so was Julan’s armor.  He must have gathered it all while I was sleeping.  I did a quick inventory and found nothing else was missing—that didn’t surprise me—he wasn’t the thief...I wasn’t sure what to do at this point.  I had come this far.  What next?  Continue with the mission?  I had no heart or energy to go to Urshailaku—I did not care about being the Nerevarine.  I thought the Ashlanders, Dunmer, all of them were crazy.  How could I possibly be a prophet when I didn’t believe the doctrine?

I had to eat.  My stomach hurt badly and I had thrown up blood—probably because of that cheap potion.  “I’ll just go next store and get some basics.” I said to myself—as there was no one else to say it to.  I walked out my door—and bloody hell—there he sat.  “What are you doing here, Jules?”

“Ah…sleeping beauty finally wakes…I thought you dead for awhile, you barely stirred.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” I said, almost in a stupor.  I had no energy for this.  Julan continued to follow me wherever I went, except back into the apartment.  I surveyed the tiny room though I knew only other way out was through a tiny glass window—breaking the pane would alert him, and I was sure he’d be watching for it anyway.  “Well, now I’ve eaten something I might as well go to that Ashlander camp,” I thought to myself. “Maybe they’ll throw me out and this will all be over and I can stop by Dagon Fel afterwards.”  I walked back outside refreshed.  “Come on, s’wit, we have things to do.”

“Don’t speak to me like that,” he hissed through clenched teeth.  “In fact don’t speak at all.”

I had actually thought I was being respectful; after all he did tell not to speak his name…. “Ah, Julan.” I said walking over to him, inches from his face.  “I really don’t care what you want or what you say at this point.  If we end up killing each other, fine.  You have more to lose than I,” smiling at that I walked right passed him and headed for the silt strider.  The Urshailaku Camp was past Khuul.  We got off at Ald-ruhn, where, much to my humiliation and ire, I tripped and fell off the landing strip.  Julan looked over and smirked slightly, though offered me a hand.  “Enjoyed that did, you?”  He said nothing.

“Oh the silent treatment?  How very mature.  Well, at least it will be a pleasant journey to Khuul.”  I stopped by an apothecary to pick up some Telvanni Bug Musk, a very expensive perfume/potion, rumored to calm or seduce others.  I figured I needed all the help I could get in speaking to the Urshailaku.  

“That stuff smells like stink.  I hope I don’t have to smell it all the way to Khuul,” Julan spat.

I smiled at Julan then turned to the Alchemist.  “Excuse me, Cienne, could I please get another bottle of bug musk?  I’d like to wear some now; its one of his favorites.” 

"That stuff smells like stink!"

“Be as obnoxious as you like, Annika, I’m not going anywhere.”  We walked quietly under the stars through Ald-ruhn, heading back towards the silt strider, though the silence would occasionally be punctuated by his muttering.  The ride to Khuul was long and quiet.  Julan was right, the bug musk stank.

Upon arriving to the small, coastal village of Khuul, we came upon the cavern Ashir-Dan. I turned to him and asked, “Would you like to go in?”  Julan scowled.

“Whatever I take is mine, and don’t count on me for back,” spat Julan.

“Fine.  Let’s go.”

The cave wasn’t much of a challenge.  We walked out of the Ashir-Dan with a few weapons, though my sword was in bad need of fixing.  I asked Julan to repair it.

“Do it yourself, fetcher,” he grimaced.

“Ok.  We go back to Gnisis.  Actually,” I paused, smiling, “I think we’ll head to Dagon Fel.” .

“Oh, so your friends can kick my ass.”

“Jules, I could do that on my own.”

“Let’s just go to Gnisis.  It’s closer.”

“Fine.” A day later we were back in the same spot that we started.  Gods, he was stubborn.  We reached the Sheogorad Region early that morning.  “Just so you know, I plan on hitting every damned cavern and Shrine that I encounter Jules.” No answer. We came upon the cavern Ilibid.  The fighting was bloody and disastrous.  I got hit by two Dremoran Lords at the same time.  I just barely managed to kill them before they go to me.  It attached to part of a crypt.  There I found a shield with healing effects and a Daedra mask—wonder what this long dead inhabitant was practicing?  I didn’t have time to think of it though, my body ached and I was badly bleeding.

“Annika, you’re hurt—though not that I care,” he quickly added.  “But all this bleeding over everything and groaning is getting annoying—should I try and heal you, just to shut you up?”

“Heal yourself, s’wit.  I don’t need you.” I did, though.  Badly.  I tended to my injuries as best as I could—though I realized I should have picked up more healing potions in Ald-ruhn.  How easy it would have been to ask for his help, but no, I thought it would be best to wait it out and rest; plus resting for few days had the extra bonus of pissing Julan off.  He was in a rush to get to the Ashlander camp and I knew it.  We had hit two shrines and a cave by the time it was all said and done.  I could see the Urshailaku camp in the distance.  I turned to Julan. “We’re almost there.”

“So what are you going to do?  They’ll laugh you out of the camp, you know.”

“Jules that’s what I’m hoping for.”

“They why are you even bothering?”

“Because I have desire to go back to the Imperial City in chains.  Julan, I was given a conditional release, if that means anything to you.”

He was silent for a moment.  “It doesn’t.  And whatever you’re trying to do, you’re wasting your time.”

“My time to waste.  But, I’d really appreciate it you keep out of it when I talk to Sul-Matuul and not start yelling that I’m an Imperial imposter.  That would be great.”

“Why should I?  You ARE an Imperial imposter.”

“Oh gods, you bloody fool,” I said in frustration.  “They’re going to test me against the prophecies.  If I fail, which no doubt I will, then none of this matters.”

“Well…that’s true.” he said shortly.

“But, if you start making a fuss, they’ll refuse to test me at all—and then you’ll have no proof I’m a faker.  So think about.” I spun around, “Just keep your mouth shut for now, OK?”  Bloody s’wit.

“Fine.  But it’s not to help you in any way.  Oh gods, you’re putting on that musk.  I’m going to be sick!”

          “Excuse me,” I said to a random inhabitant as we entered the ramshackle encampment. “I’m Annika Blue, and this is Julan—   

“If this is tribal business take it Zabamund.” The tribesman said coldly.

            “Where can I find him?”  The elderly looking man just pointed in the direction of a group of hovelled yurts.  “Thank you, sera.” As Julan and I walked towards the grouping of yurts in the center of the encampment, we encountered people who either stared at us in contempt, or worse, people who looked genuinely frightened.  These people made no bones about their distaste for me, the n’wah.  I went into Zabamund’s yurt and we spoke.  He was respectful, but made it clear that I had no standing among them thus I could not speak to Sul-Matuul, Ashkhan or the wise woman. I then told him all that happened to me and gave him the proofs of the prophesy.  Julan was amazingly quiet through all this.

          Zabamund finally agreed, “These are not simple matters you present to me.  You know a great deal more than I thought any Outlander would know.  He may be angry with me, but I will let you speak to Sul-Matuul.”

Sul-Matuul

            I waited for minutes, maybe an hour, then we were escorted to the Ashkhan’s yurt.  Sul-Matuul was an older gentleman, whose eyes belied the pain for his tribe and people.  He wore a barrier shield—a clear sign that he did not trust me.  I thought to myself that I was the least of this tribe’s worries.  There were no children playing outside and everyone looked frightened.  This was dying tribe.  “So,” he started.  “You think you fulfill the prophesies?  You wish to tested to see if you are the Nerevarine.  Well, no Outlander can join the Nerevarine Cult, Annika; however, if you complete the initiation rite, then I will adopt you as Clannfriend of the Ashlanders.”

         “What is the rite, Sul-Matuul?”

     “To be adopted by the tribe, you must undergo a harrowing; you will be judged by the spirits and ancestor to see if you are worthy.  Go to the Urshailaku Burial Caverns and bring me my father, Sul-Senipul’s bow.” He then gave me directions to the Caverns.  It was a short distance away from the camp.  When we reached them, Julan stood in front of the entrance, a simple cavern door with no adornments.

         “So.  You’ve found it.  You’re not actually going in there are you?”

        Gods, I was sick of this.  “Just shut up, ok?  You’ve made your feelings very clear, but I’m going in there whether you like it or not!”

        “No…Anni.  I wasn’t trying to…” he exhaled deeply, then said in a softer tone, “I just have a bad feeling about this.  You don’t know my people like I do.  You think this is an initiation, but its not.  It’s a deathtrap.  Sul-Matuul has no intention of making a Clannfriend; he just wants to get rid of you.  He doesn’t think you’ll come back from this place.”

         “Really?” I shot back in disbelief.

        “If this is truly the Urshailaku Burial Caverns, then they are a most sacred place.  No Ashkhan would send an Outlander here to trample and profane the bones of his ancestors.  But he might send someone there if he was sure they would die, since the release of their soul would increase the power of the tomb’s ancestor guardian spirits.  This is how my people think.  Can you not see that?”

        “Odd you should be telling me this.  I’d thought my death here is would be just what you wanted.  Why the sudden concern?” Julan just stared back at me blankly and said nothing.

       “Fine,” I said coarsely, though I believed him.  His argument made sense; however, I had little choice in the decision. “I’m going in any way.  It’s either death by ghost or gallows, and frankly I fear the gallows more.  You coming or not?”

       “I’m coming,” he said hesitantly, but quickly added, “Someone has to make sure you treat this sacred place with respect!”

       “Whatever,” I murmured.  Pushing in the sealed door, we walked into an eerily lit cavern. Mummies were sweetly lined up in poses holding their dearest earthly possessions.  I did not take them.  I had no desire to desecrate an already decimated people.  We went quickly through all the side caverns of the Laterus Burial Chamber, a large cave with a water fall, its slippery rocks forming a spiral stair case.  We were chased constantly by skeletal warriors and ancestor ghosts—I mused that this tribe spends more time protecting their dead then their living.  I was surprised to see how much Julan had done to protect me, as I, curiously, seemed to be their target.  At long last we made it to the Juno Burial Chamber and found the ancestor ghost of Sul-Senipul.  He fought bravely, but in the end gave up his most treasured prize, the Bone-biter bow. 

Mummy holding their dearest possession

      “We have it!  Let’s get out of here!” I shouted.  Julan was silent for a moment.  He then paused and gently turned me around to face him.

    “Can we speak for a moment?” I nodded, he had been helpful throughout this particular venture, and the least I could do was hear him out. “Anni, I’ve been thinking…About a lot of things really, but mainly about your being forced to be this false incarnate.”

    “You? Think?  I’m amazed, Jules.  Tell me, did it hurt?”

    “Gah!  Could you just shut up and let me finish!” He was frustrated.  Good.  Julan continued, “you lied to me about being a spy for the Emperor, and I’m still not happy about it. And—“

    “Oh, not this again!” I whispered, walking away.  I was tired of apologizing.  No more.

    “Will you please be quiet and let me finish?  Shenogorath, this isn’t easy for me, you know!” He was staring hard at me then raised his hands over his eyes in frustration.  “Where was I?  Oh, yes…And I’m not happy about you agreeing to pretend to be the Nerevarine for the Emperor, but…”

      “What, Julan?  What?”  I was hot, tired and my body was aching.  I was in no mood for a fight.

      “But…as I said, I’ve been thinking.  And I’ve been trying to imagine what I would have done, if I had been in your position.  And I don’t really know.  I probably would have shouted a lot and ended up getting thrown back in prison…” He paused then spoke slowly.  “So it occurred to me that maybe what I would have done in you situation wouldn’t have been …very good.”

       Tiring of the lies and cover, I decided at that moment, I would let the truth’s wretched face show. I turned to him and started walking in his direction until I was inches from his face, “No Jules, I’ll tell you exactly what you would have done… what I’m doing now!  I wasn’t just facing time, you fool, I was facing death!  A month from the day they released me I was scheduled to die by gallow, for a brute who thrashed me repeatedly.” I paused for a second, clearing the lump from my throat. I had to let this out, as it was eating me alive.  “I was a servant in this pustule’s home for a time in Anvil, and…he…hurt me often and other servants as well.  Most times I endured, but one night….I did not. He beat me savagely, like a dog.” Julan looked away for a moment. “Look at me, damn it! You’re going to hear this—I want you to know!” He looked me directly in the eyes as I continued, “I grabbed a statue off the mantle and hit him in the back of the head and kept hitting him—repeatedly until the only sound I heard was a thud, and all I felt on my hand was dried blood and bone.” I paused for a second, grimacing at the memory.  “I took everything I could sell and ran, and was on the run for two miserable months before they found me.  They threw me in jail and at the trial who do you think they believed, Jules?  The pustule’s grieving widow or a street urchin on the lamb? So there it is…You know everything...  Now you just go on telling me what you think you would have done!” I turned and started walking towards the cavern door.  Julan, quickly caught up to me and spun me around, staring in silence at he.  I pushed his hands off me, wiping the tears streaming down my face.

        “Anni….”  He went silent for a time then finally spoke.  “I don’t know what I can say.  There’s nothing really.” He paused. “I guess while we were going through the harrowing I tried to think about why you might be doing what you’re doing—though gods, I had no idea…Anne, I know its not your fault the Emperor is trying to manipulate you.  And I can understand why you would want to find out why…And…”

       “And what, you’re not trying to apologize, are you?”, I laughed bitterly.

      “And I realized that this can’t be fun for you either. And I haven’t exactly been making your life any easier.”

        “You’ve been a thoughtless, self-centered, bastard, Julan.”

        “You’re right.  So…yes…I am apologizing.  For shouting at you and for not listening to you, and for not thinking about your side of things…..and for generally being a thoughtless, self-centered, bastard.”

       “Hmmm….Maybe you should be a bit more apologetic…” I smiled at him through the tears.  In away I was relived that this all happened as the truth was out.  I could afford to smile…finally.

       “Shenogorath, woman!  What do you want me to do, stab myself?”

       “Hmmm…Well, that would be a start, yes.”

       “Anni…” he sighed.  “Fine.  I am really, truly, very sorry for the way I’ve carried on.  I like…and frankly respect you a…a  great deal, and even when I was angry, I was afraid that we might never be on speaking terms again….”

      “I know.” I laughed, relieved. “Oh shit, just come here…” I dropped my shield and dagger and wrapped my arms around him.

He snaked his arms around my waist, and leaned in to kiss me.  I felt his hands wander lower…and after a time, he spoke. “You know, Anne, it’s almost worth fighting with you just for the making up bit.” Jules said laughing. I smiled and squeezed his hand.

         “Let’s get out of here. I’m tired and your mother is not far off.  Let’s get some rest and come back later to meet with the Urshailaku.”

         “Sounds like a plan.  You ready?”  We transported back to his mother’s.  I decided that after I was properly rested I would find a way to speak to Mashti.  There are some things we had to discuss.  In the morning, I asked Jules to fetch us some breakfast—I think he knew what I was up, to but decided to give me and Mashti some “bonding time”.

         “Mashti,” I said as plainly as possible. “I think there are some things we need to speak of.”

         She turned away from me, staring at chest in the corner.  “I can tell you nothing more you would wish to know.  The only thing that matters is Julan’s mission.”

        “I know and I’ve nearly died for it.  I think there is plenty you can tell me.  For starters, what happened with the Ahemmusa?”

      “Hmmph….You would know my past, Annika?  Very well, sera.” She looked past me took a breath then started slowly.  “I was born to the Urshailaku Ashlanders, and I was respected there, for my father was the chief of the tribe and my mother was a high-born Redoran lady he took as slave-bride in a raid on some travelers.  But when men of the Ahemmusa came to our camp on a trading mission, the spirits whispered to me that my destiny lay with their tribe, and when they left, I went with them.”

      “Spirits, you say?”

    “Yes,” she had her arms against her chest, cradling her breast.  I knew there was something she was holding close to heart.  A truth she would not share with me.  Mashti continued, “When he discovered that I had gone without his permission, my father was very angry, for I was barely 18 and promised to one of his gulahkhans.  He disowned me as a daughter, and I never saw him, my home, or my mother again.  I hear he is dead now.  Good.  He was a harsh, cruel man, and I never missed him.  I became one of the Ahemmusa, and studied the ways of their wise women.  I was skilled at the craft—though too skilled.  The petty jealousies of others made me an exile in the end.”

      “What did they actually exile your for, Mashti?  What was your crime?” I was going to flush her out.  She was not used to lying to strangers.  Mashti turned her head and looked at the wall—she would not meet my eyes.

       “I do not like to speak of this.  It was long ago, but the wounds to the heart and the honor do not heal.  There are those I can never forgive, and those whom I would have forgiven in an instant, had they but asked for it.  And now it is too late…Ai…Leave me now, Outlander…I wish to be alone.”

       “As you wish. I’ll go find Julan.”

       “Annika,” Mashti turned suddenly. “Thank you for helping my son and showing him the world.”  I nodded and walked out of her yurt.

           “All’s well?”

          “Yes,” it wasn’t but I would let it go for now.  “Let’s go meet with the Urshailaku.  We have much to discuss.” In truth I felt guilty for causing Mashti pain, but her lies were going to cost Julan his life.

           “I’ll just go and say good bye to mother. Won’t be but a moment.”

When we left the encampment, the sun was slowly sinking beyond the horizon.  We were so quiet that I could hear the sand along the shoreline crunch under my feet.  Finally, Julan broke the silence. “What did you talk about?”  He asked, almost accusingly, as we walked in the direction of Urshailaku camp. “Mashti was quiet when I went in…” Julan stated. “She’s not normally so.”

          “Your mother told me of her life before the Ahemmusa and you.  She said a bit about being exiled.”

“She usually doesn’t speak of that.”

“She said it was painful to speak of.  What did happen, Julan?”  Julan took a deep breath before speaking, he turn for second as if wincing from the pain of the memory.

“The Ahemmusa accused my mother of killing their Ashkhan.  My mother and I were cut off from them completely and made into outcasts…as you so subtly pointed out.”

“I’m sorry for that Jules…I’m sorry for most the things I said that night…but particularly for that.”

“We both said terrible things…gods.  I wish it never happened.”

“So do I, but it did…” And we were better for it.

“Well….The sun is setting and the stars are on the horizon,” he said quietly.

“My favorite time of night.” I saw the red line of the bright orange sun, caressing the starlit sky, as if she were begging it for more time to shine. The waves were a muted pink reflection of the sky.

“Let’s sit down by the water and eat, shall we?” he asked.  We sat by the water and stared at the stars. “Anni, the whole thing was painful and embarrassing.  I lost many friends and people I cared about.  People accused my mother of horrible things.  I cut myself off from my friends.  It’s not that they hated me, but…well…my presence was unwelcome.”

“I can’t imagine that.” I couldn’t—I had never dealt with ostracism before, probably because I didn’t care enough about the people surrounding me.

“Can we change the subject, Anne?”

“Gladly,” I said taking his hand.